Witty Christmas wishes are the best way to wish your loved ones a very Merry Christmas
There’s nothing like a bit of Christmas wit to spread joy and cheer in the winter holidays. Making people laugh is one of the greatest gifts around, and with these witty one-liners, you’ll be handing them out like Santa on Christmas morning.
Clever Christmas Wish Ideas For The Best Friends In Your Life
You can’t choose your family members, but you can choose your friends. The besties in your life are likely close to your heart, and well-deserving of a Christmas card that makes them crack a big smile.
If you’re looking for a way to make your friends grin with seasonal joy, take a look through this list of clever Christmas wish ideas that will say everything they need to hear, and more.
- Christmas comes but once a year – relax my friend, and drink some beer!
- Oh no, Christmas has been cancelled! I told him you’d been good this year and he died from laughter. Merry Christmas!
- Merriest Christmas to everyone’s favourite ho, ho ho!
- Christmas is about spending time with the people you love most. So make sure you spend all your time with me tomorrow, you jerk!
- May you survive the boring sermon at church and then join me as soon as possible at the party. Happy Christmas bestie!
- Here’s to a white Christmas! And if we run out of white, we’ll simply drink the red. Merry Christmas old friend!
- Sleigh, honey! You’re the most dazzling reindeer of the pack. Merry Christmas!
- I’d love to spoil you with a special Christmas gift, but we drank all the money last night. Happy holidays!
- Thank you for always being around to eat my unwanted food. I know I can always rely on you! Merry Christmas!
- Christmas time is a good Claus for celebration! I love to celebrate with you. Merry Christmas!
- Once again, it’s the most wine-derful time of the year. See you at the booze table!
- Thanks for making “crazy” look so effortlessly cool. I don’t know what I’d do without you this Christmas!
- This holiday season, let’s focus on what’s really important: the food. Save me a space at the table, my friend!
- Check yo elf lest you wreck yo elf. Thanks for always having my back, merry Christmas!
- May you be surrounded by ho, ho hoes this holiday season, ya filthy animal!
- I really hope you love the present that you forced me to buy you six months ago. Happy holidays you lovable brat!
- Congratulations on retaining your position as my best friend for yet another Christmas season. To many more!
- I’d put out for Santa. Cookies, I mean! Happy holidays from your friend on the naughty list.
Cute And Witty Christmas Wishes For Siblings
Siblings are like the best and worst friends you never asked for. They’ll always be by your side, and for that reason, they deserve a cute and funny Christmas greeting. These witty wishes will help you bond over the family gatherings and remind them how much they mean to you.
- I tried really hard to make Santa believe you should go on the nice list this year. Instead, he put me on the naughty list just for being related to you!
- Christmas time is a great time for everyone to guess each other’s sizes – and get it wrong every time. Merry Christmas!
- When it comes to Christmas, there are four stages everyone goes through. 1) You believe in Santa. 2) You don’t believe in Santa. 3) You become Santa. 4) You look like Santa. Happy holidays!
- Christmas is the only time of the year when it’s normal to eat candy out of socks. Good luck with your expired candies and smelly old socks. Merry Christmas!
- Santa just told me you’ve been unusually good this year. I told him it was just a lack of opportunity! Wishing you a very merry Christmas, love from [insert name].
- OMG, I finally discovered the true meaning of Xmas! It’s for all the people who can’t spell Christmas. Happy holidays!
- You’re gonna love my Christmas present to you. It’s the one you gave me last year! Merry Christmas, [insert name].
- Wishing you all the best gifts of the season: joy, peace, and Pinot Grigio.
- Whoever sang “all is calm” at Christmas has clearly never met our family. Here’s to many more whacky Christmas holidays with our crazy relatives!
- If you don’t wish me a merry Christmas this season, “yule” be sorry!
- May your wine glass always be filled and your nuts remain uncracked this holiday season! Merry Christmas!
- You always seem to have the Christmas spirit within you. Must be all that gin, vodka, and rum! Have a Merry Christmas!
- Our family may be crazy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Happy holidays from your favourite relative!
- Christmas is a time to focus on the most important things in life: joy, love, and avoiding your intolerable family members. We’ll get through this together!
- In case you were wondering, all Christmas sweaters are ugly. Yes, even the one you’re wearing. Especially that one… love you!
Iconic Witty Christmas Quotes To Use In Your Holiday Cards
If you’re a Christmas movie connoisseur, you might like to use an iconic quote in your holiday cards this year. There are hundreds of classic Christmas movies and quotes out there stocked to the brim with punchy one-liners, making them the perfect addition to any Christmas wish.
- “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: Candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.” – Elf (2003)
- “Be it ever so heinous, there’s no place like home.” —The Grinch (2000)
- “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!” – Home Alone (1990)
- “You’re skipping Christmas! Isn’t that against the law?” – Christmas with the Kranks (2004)
- “I was 7, my dad and I moved to Alabama…and Christmas morning we ate on the floor, ate French fries and drank chocolate milk.”— Deck the Halls (2006)
- “I gotta tell you, Santa, there’s something about this place that doesn’t seem quite…Kosher.” – Jingle All the Way (1996)
- “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” —Bart Simpson
- “Cheer up, dude. It’s Christmas.” —The Grinch (2000)
- “Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” —Dave Barry
- “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” —Phyllis Diller
- “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” —Victor Borge
- “I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.” —Bridger Winegar
- “Blast this Christmas music. It’s joyful and triumphant.”— The Grinch (2000)
- “Who told you you could eat my cookies?” – Jingle All the Way (1996)
- “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” —Robert Paul
Classic Christmas Wit For The Older Folk In Your Family
Some of your older relatives may not appreciate Christmas jokes about booze or naughtiness – but there are plenty of other ways to make them crack a smile. Here are some classical Christmas wishes that are designed to make people of the older age bracket laugh.
- Christmas time is mostly for children to enjoy. But we adults can enjoy it just as much until the credit bills arrive – merry Christmas!
- Happy holidays! Here’s hoping your Christmas features less “jingle bells” and more “silent night”. You deserve some peace and quiet!
- Christmas is a time of true mystery and magic. All of your money vanishes before you know it! Season’s greetings from [insert name].
- May you manage to hold onto your sanity this holiday season! Merry Christmas.
- Home is where the Christmas cookies and grumpy relatives are. Happy holidays!
- The best way to enjoy Christmas in peace is to sing off-key loudly so that everyone leaves you alone. Merry Christmas, you old Grinch!
- It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas! Here’s to mindless consumerism!
- Visiting family just once per year? Santa had the right idea! Here’s to surviving the family dinner together – Merry Christmas!
- Just a little bit longer and the day we’ve all been waiting for will arrive… the day after Christmas so we can all go home! Happy holidays.
- It’s that time of year when we all discover what Christmas is really about: food comas and credit card debt!
- Remember, the magic of Christmas is all about giving back to your favourite people (me). Merry Christmas, [insert name]!
- It’s all joy and cheer until Santa pulls up the naughty list. Here’s hoping he doesn’t look twice! Happy holidays.
Everyone Loves A Clever Christmas Card
Young and old, everyone loves a joke! Christmas time is the perfect time to spread joy and laughter with those you love most – so take inspiration from these witty Christmas wishes for a spectacular season.