We’ve all sat through wedding speeches that are too long, too boring or too soppy. Writing an amazing groom speech is a tall order for ordinary folk – you have to wow the crowd, keep the in-laws happy and pay a heartfelt tribute to your bride. Luckily, the comedy writers at Speechy are here to tell us how it’s done…
Jump To a Section Below
Ever heard a wedding guest complain the speeches weren’t long enough? There’s a reason we recommend keeping your groom speech under eight minutes. Any longer and you risk losing your audience to their Twitter feeds. Write your speech, then cut half the words – we promise it’ll be twice as good.
Don’t Start with the Thank You’s
Start with the stories and the comedy first. Remember, the thank you’s can feel a bit tedious if you don’t get a mention yourself!
Of course, the thank you’s are important. Get it wrong and your marriage is off to a bad start!
It’s your job to thank people for coming, pay tribute to both sets of parents and the main wedding entourage. You might even want to mention special guests like stepchildren or grandparents, but don’t reel off a long list of people – you’ll be in danger of offending anyone not on the list. There’s definitely no need to thank anyone whose services you’ve paid for.
Start with a Smile
Smiling’s infectious and a great way to de-stress. Aim for a laugh within the first 20 seconds but avoid using recycled wedding gags – everyone will have heard them before and they won’t bring anything special to the day. Remember the old adage ‘it’s funny because it’s true’ – guests are more likely to giggle at real anecdotes than something you found on Google.
A lot of grooms reinvent their partners as some generic princess bride. No one will believe she’s that perfect – don’t forget her best mates are in the crowd! You don’t have to paint a clichéd picture of your happy ever after. Simply celebrate her for the clumsy, blue-eyed, Prosecco-guzzling, true crime drama-obsessed dream of a fiancée she is.
Find Your Humour
All good stories have a twist. Looking for ironies is a good place to start. Whether your partner’s a driving instructor who still gets her dad to top up her oil before a long journey or a dietician who has a secret drawer stocked with of Reece’s Pieces, shine a light on those daft things that make her a bit special (and more than a bit loveable).
Talking of Sweet Things…
By all means, add something a bit gorgeous to your speech. After all, your bride is amazing and you are the luckiest man on earth to be marrying her. No one will mind you saying that out loud. But be specific and tell her honestly what things you like about her. It’s somehow more meaningful on a day where love is pretty much a given.
Make One More Vow
Show your bride she’s picked the right bloke to spend the rest of her life with. Promise to listen to her weird dreams in detail and discuss their meanings/learn how to make bouncy waves with her GHDs/never make her watch the CATS movie again. The more specific to your experiences as a couple, the better. And only make promises you intend to keep!
Prepare to Deliver
Once you’ve got down everything you want to say, a confident delivery is key. Standing up to speak to a room full of people doesn’t come naturally to many of us. Rehearse your speech often, so it feels familiar on your wedding day. You don’t need to know it by heart – cue cards or even an entire printed speech are perfectly acceptable. Speak slower than usual and, if necessary, hire a mic – many good speeches are ruined by being too quiet.
Speechy is a team of BBC comedy scriptwriters, directors and producers. If you know a groom who wants help making his speech sparkle, Speechy is hosting the Ultimate Groom Speech Sessions in April. Sign up here.